Relax

JOKES FOR CHILDREN

Humor – especially in children – is a very personal reaction. Tell a joke to a child. Chances are it will make one child rock with laughter, cause the second to double up, and bring only a mild giggle from the third. The last child may not understand the joke – but he does want to laugh.

First Lady: What has twenty-four feet, green eyes, and a pink body with purple stripes around it?

Second Lady: I don’t know – what?

First Lady: I don’t know either, but you’d better pick it off your neck.

Teacher: What is your favourite state, Sam?

Sam: Mississippi.

Teacher: How do you spell it?

Sam: Er… I like Ohio much better.

Customer: Say, what’s this in my soup?

Waiter: I can’t say, sir, I don’t know one insect from another.

Teacher: What comes after “O” ?

Dopey: Yeah.

What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?

Finding only half a worm.

Teacher: Come up here and give me whatever you have in your mouth.

Jeff: I wish I could. It’s a toothache.

Pilot calling Tower: We’re out of gas three hundred miles over the Atlantic. What shall I do?

Tower to Pilot: Repeat after me – Our Father who art in heaven…

Mother: What are you looking for, Melissa?

Melissa: Nothing.

Mother: You’ll find it in the box where the candy was.

Teacher: How do you spell “inconsequentially”?

Billie: Wrong.

Visitor: And what will you do, dear, when you are as big as your mother?

Melissa: Diet.

Father: Stop reaching, haven’t you got a tongue?

Melissa: Yes, but my arms are longer.

Some city boys were hiking in the country. One of them came upon a pile of empty milk bottles and yelled excitedly to his friends, “Come quick. I’ve found a cow’s nest”.

Doctor: I don’t like the looks of your husband.

Wife: I don’t either, but he is good to the children.

Boy: May I hold your hand?

Girl: It isn’t heavy. I can manage, thank you.

Alfie: I do my hardest work before breakfast.

Archie: What’s that?

Alfie: Getting up.

How good or bad are you with money? Do the Moneywise Quiz and find out.

MONEYWISE QUIZ
1. Do you have a monthly spending budget (plan)?
Yes, always.
Sometimes.
No, never.
2. Do you make a list before shopping for food?
Yes, always.
Sometimes.
No, never.
3. How often do you go shopping for pleasure?
a) Never
b) Hardly ever
c) Sometimes
d) Often
4. How often do you buy things you don’t really need?
a) Never
b) Hardly ever
c) Sometimes
d) Often
5. How often do you shop for food in a convenience store?
a) Never
b) Hardly ever
c) Sometimes
d) Often
6. Do you compare prices in different stores before buying large items?
a) Always
b) Often
c) Occasionally
d) Hardly ever
7. Do you ever buy used or recycled items?
a) Often
b) Sometimes
c) Hardly ever
d) Never
8. Do you save the same (or similar) amount of money every month?
a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) Hardly ever
d) Never
9. Do you check how much money you have in your bank account before you use a credit card?
a) Always
b) Usually
c) Sometimes
d) Hardly ever
10. Do you know how much money you have with you today?
a) Yes, exactly
b) I think so
c) I have some idea
d) I have no idea
SCORING.
Questions 1-2
Yes = 4 Sometimes = 2 No = 0
Questions 3-10
a) = 4 b) = 3 c) = 2 d) = 1
RESULTS
36-40 points
You are completely moneywise. Congratulations!
26-35 points
You are pretty good with money. Keep trying!
16-25 points
You are a big spender. Take care!
10-15 points
You have a hole in your pocket. Slow down!